I have to admit that counting the days out of 365 is going to get annoying after January ends. But there’s nothing like old fashioned mm/dd/yyy to forget the passage of time. Before you know it, that good old fashioned time format will have you back at the end of December before you realize.
Today seems pointless. Just does. The sound of family is a grating noise that’s shredding my normally high levels of patience into nothingness. I can’t sit still and so I am here to atone for my second day of missed journaling.
Let us take a train of thought that stops at various family related stations. From a young age, I have been of the opinion that since the family you end up with isn’t your choice, leaving them as soon as you are able should be. Independence never sounded as sweet as freedom but is more concrete. Financial independence, marital independence, independence of movement and so on. It is not that my family is abusive or any sort of evil. Just that they have an effect of stifling me until it feels like I can no longer breathe. They will say hurtful things or act in some injust way that causes me to go to sleep in tears. But leaking eyeballs has never helped anyone.
So I came up with a number of resolutions in order to achieve complete independence from family by 30 years of age. It is essentially a series of steps by which I cut my ties to them through a seperation of assets (i.e. money) and a placement of vast distance between them and me. Distance is of course easily achievable physically but its the emotional and personal “blood is thicker than water” nonsense that is harder to dispose of.
It starts in college. Unanswered texts and phone calls under the pretext of being busy and not having time starts the ball rolling. This conditions them to give you space. To call when you have the time. Of course there were moments of weakness. The alien nature of my new context brought about pangs of weakness. Weakness in turn led to miserable phone calls. But this is important: minimize these caving ins as much as possible. Because such interactions reinforce their sense of being protectors, of being needed and relied upon.
After college, it gets easier or should I say more apparent to them? Your new job, new apartment, new city and the struggles of newly found adulthood are like a series of tsunamis. By now, you should understand that conventional family is blood ties but chosen family is more valuable. Priceless in fact. The support networks and social bubbles you build all lay into a cozy net of safety and comfort.
Financial independence comes next with the realization that they have been kindly saving up for you since you were a babe. Wrestle all those monies back otherwise you won’t be able to truly cut ties. Of course you must recognize the investments they have made. You are an investment that is many thousands of dollars in with no return. Thus as an earning adult, you now send them a monthly check. The return address is simply the bank which is good about anonymity. They receive smaller sums at first but see increases with your position on the ladder.
Now you are 30 years old. You have changed your phone number and email address with a separate SIM card used only for interactions with them. You live in a mid-sized apartment in the city where you revel in the fact that despite the interconnected nature of the world, hypothetically you can live miles from them and never meet. Not that they would recognize you anymore.
The years have changed you in the way true individuality can. You’ve done and keep doing all those sinful things they warned you of. All those actions that would ruin you. Starting from the mundane coloring of hair and piercings to a full bodysuit tattoo in bold colors. But it’s not just the physical anymore. It’s the way you carry yourself now that you’ve traveled the world. Now that you’ve dived into oceans of aquamarine and slushed through Third World slums. Now that you’ve met people who fall on an infinitely large spectrum of personalities and beliefs. Now that you’ve done crazy things and not so crazy things, learned languages and practiced martial arts, fallen in and out of love and lust with men, women and everyone in between. You have a life that is truly free and you love it. That lived experience has in turn changed you into someone who carries themself so differently that you are no longer recognizable as you to them.
It has all been worth it. And at 30 years old, you cannot wait to continue living and engaging with a world free from them and therefore freed to the fullest.